“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
You know the lottery I mentioned in the previous post, well the results are out and my application wasn’t selected. Now I know for sure that door has been firmly closed. I must say goodbye to the incredible job I held for 6 weeks and goodbye to Portland. Not quite what I had in mind but there’s not much I can do about it at this point. Although I wasn’t that surprised when I read the email from the lawyer, I still grieved the loss (Yes, it was a lottery and so my application getting selected was not guaranteed but after everything, I really hoped for a miracle). It felt like I had wasted a year of my life sitting around and waiting. Wasted, is a bit harsh but it doesn’t feel like I accomplished much this past year. I was so sure it would all work out in the end, even with the delays and setbacks. So now that it’s finally over and I won’t be returning to my position or the city that I have a love/hate relationship with but was still my home for about 7 years, I feel empty? It’s difficult to put how I feel into words. I guess to a certain extent, I feel relieved because now I don’t have this hanging over my head. I’ve received an answer and now I can work out what to do next. There are still things I must figure out, such as how I’m going to get some of my stuff (books, clothes, personal items) that I need from Portland to how I’m going to be able to pay my bills and student loans. But for now, I will keep doing what I must (keep sending out those job applications) and I will keep an open mind and consider all options (including teaching abroad, because why not 😊).
Although this past year has been filled with a lot of disappointment, it has also been filled with moments of happiness, hope, joy and unexplainable peace. I have experienced God’s abundant provision – when He says He will supply all your needs (Philippian 4:19) – He means it. We just need to remind ourselves of that fact every single day. I have been overwhelmed by the love and support (emotional, financial, you name it) that my friends have shown me – I can only pray that I’m able to return the favor someday. I am still hopeful that I will find the perfect position which will set me up for a fulfilling career in public health. I haven’t given up so far and I’m not planning on starting now.